The Prayer I Prayed…

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“1 Praise the Lord, O my soul, all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits—3 who forgets all your sins, and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”  Psalm 103:1-5 NIV

During my season of infertility, I literally tried everything to get pregnant from eating certain types of foods, to trying fertility vitamins, fertility lubricants to having medical procedures.  I looked everywhere as well as to God for answers.  Every single month was a heart breaking moment when I learned I did not get pregnant.   My whole life and my whole existence was about being infertile and not having the desires of my heart.

My husband, Steve and I did not meet and marry until our early to mid thirties.  Right after our wedding ceremony I remember commenting “You guys waited longer than most to marry, don’t wait so long to have children.”  It hit me that this could be a potential obstacle, but I quickly dismissed this and hoped it would not be. 

One thing we did while on our honeymoon was prayed for God to be in control of our birth control and when it was right he would bring children into our marriage and family.   God took us serious and for the first five years, I did not get pregnant.  After several years passed, I began to get bitter about the prayer I prayed, I even was bitter toward my mother who got pregnant with me within the first month of their marriage.  The question was “why?”  Why can we not get pregnant?  Why are you not blessing us with children?  The answer was it was not His time.

But as I searched for answers in God’s word and tried to find answers online searching for scripture references to help me through this season in my life, I was led to Psalm 103:1-5 during my husband and my devotion time and also confirmed when watching the Voice of Victory’s- Kenneth and Gloria Copeland television ministry.

I began to pray this scripture daily, and though we were not blessed with children immediately, I found great comfort in Psalm 103 because of the hope and encouragement it provided me.  It increased my faith and I had comfort in this scripture.  I felt God was healing me of whatever was causing the infertility.  When I went through my miscarriage in 2008 the fourth year of trying to get pregnant, it continued to bring me comfort.   Often one can get bogged down by thoughts of whether God loves you.  Sadly, this was where I was at times during this season.  Kind the Job mentality of questioning and not understanding why you are suffering what your suffering.

Following my miscarriage, I was in a funk, depressed, kind in a daze.  I had finally got pregnant, but it ended in miscarriage.  As I searched for answers online,  I sought for answers on how to deal with my pain.  I came across a website that when someone miscarries that they will sometime name the child or make a prayer garden.  Prayer is my ministry at church, and making a prayer garden really appealed to me.  But my husband was hurting so much as well; I thought it would never be something we could do so I did not say anything to anyone.   Following the miscarriage, my parents were visiting our home while I was recovering.  My mother looked outside the window and saw a bed of fresh cut yellow flowers planted in my front entrance way.  She asked if Steve or I had planted them, I said no.  She asked if a neighbor had, and I got up from the couch to see what she was talking about.  As I walked over to the window, I thought to myself that my savior Jesus had done it.  As I looked out the window in amazement, I was blessed beyond measure. I knew the Master Gardener had been at my home, heard my thoughts and prayer, and planted my prayer garden.  This was the turning point in my season of infertility because I knew he had heard me and I knew he cared about the pain we had gone through.  We had lived at this home for two years, and those flowers had never been their before.  It was a miracle for us when we saw this act of kindness. 

It was after this that God brought my Samuel to us through the miracle of adoption.  But before He could do this I feel He needed for us to know He loved us and cared for us in the midst of this season and trial.  All things happen in the fullness of His time.

God does care when we hurt, and we may not know why it is that we go through seasons of infertility or miscarriage or any season of grief and suffering, but one thing is for certain he never leaves us he is with us if we let him in during our trials.  I think about Job, all that he suffered,  all that he lost.  He questioned God and did not understand why all of the terrible things occurred to him, but through his encounter with God he knew God embraced him and loved him and ended up humbled and in awe of God even more than he was and God ended blessing him even more.  Job never knew why he went through what he went through but He came away knowing His redeemer and savior even more. 

Whatever, you are facing right now, please know that God is the answer, things occur in the fullness of his time and that He does love you.  This website is to support you with prayer and encouragement in whatever season of life you are faced with in your life.  God led me to doing this site for those who suffer from trials of infertility, miscarriage, loss of any kind, and the number one thing He wants you to know is He cares what you are going through, He wants to be there for you and He loves you and wants you to embrace Him whatever season you are going through.

My prayer:

Father God,  please move miraculously in the lives of my friends who are suffering from infertility or may have suffered the loss of a child or children through miscarriage.  I pray they will come to know you more through this experience and that you will comfort them with your peace, presence and love as they grieve. Although they may not understand “why” help them to know your love you have for them.   Crown them with your love and compassion, and satisfy their desires with good things, so that their youth is renewed like the eagles.  In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

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